It's been a bit of an actual and emotional shitstorm lately, and I don't think I can completely credit the hormones for it all. There's been a lot going on, but I'm so confused and worried about most of it I'm not quite sure what to think or how to respond. And, due to a serious lack of informational basis because there really are just some things you can't ask anyone who's involved firsthand, my inability to articulate my emotions and form any helpful conclusions has caused me to be incoherent in my thought processes as well. Think, then, of how wonderful my writing's been as a result.
Thus, there's been nothing I've felt comfortable posting here for ages, despite the mountain of draughts piling up in my rough box here in VerbaldiarrheaLand. So, so many late nights that have stretched 'til dawn, and nothing remotely good to show for any of them. To be perfectly honest, I'm feeling increasingly insecure about my ability to write, which is massively shattering and terrifying as I've always identified myself internally as a writer of some sort, hoping to be able to support my family with it and to use it to somehow serve others. What if the truth of the matter is that I am absolute crap at writing, have nothing important or interesting to say, and can't say anything important interestingly? What if there's nothing in this world I'm good at doing and can never find any kind of work because I'm fucking useless and unskilled and no one will ever want to hire me? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck, I'm scared. Can't even write a blog successfully. Deep breaths, deep breaths... Brrreeeeathe. Exhale. Try not to cry. I know it's that time of month, but don't cry. Don't panic. Don't cry... Shit.
However, Girl Friday has yet again pulled through with her trademark warmth, incisive wit, wry humour, and fearless clairvoyance in her own blog, unleashing her joys and frustrations in her on-going personal crusade to live a truly sustainable life self-sufficiently ~ without the PC piety so prevalent in our society.
With her kind permission, I'm re-posting an excerpt of one of her gems from yesterday which made me chortle with the same relief and release I get every time we do a Prost or Pig-whatever-day-of-the-week-we-can-swing. If this doesn't make you laugh and fall as smittenly in love with her as I have, then you're obviously not reading closely enough because my Girl Friday is... Girl Friday. And hopefully, by breaking the seal on my inability to write comfortably in the past few weeks by posting someone else's quality piece of writing, this may well be the laxative to help it all come out. (Also, the stunning photographs used in this post were taken by GF herself.)
As always, thank you ~ my darling GF ~ for unwittingly coming through for me... once again.
I have, of course, been spending my time reading about farming and trying to learn about permaculture. It has been frustrating and disappointing. I feel like I'm just living in the wrong part of the country. I mean, not only can I not afford even 1 whole acre of land--there are too many friggin' hippies around here that need self-validating.
I've learned this lesson as soon as I moved out here. I mean, I moved to be with a bunch of hippies--basically. Techno hippies, but still hippies. But, you know, I just can't stand it. Just like I couldn't stand it within months of moving here. Which is why the reason I moved here basically broke down (and had been in it's final death-throws for months before I showed up)
There is so many things that are similar. We both want to "opt out". We both want to be self-sufficient, tread lightly, live simply--but...guh. I mean, really--take a bath, get a job, read a newspaper, be functional. Put down the pipe. Just for a minute. It didn't happen in the 1960s. It isn't happening today.
Where the hell are all the wanna-be farmers who just want to get dirty and learn things and be self-reliant because it is fun to be self-sufficient? You know, you people who don't have to fucking talk about healing Gaia and the Goddess Energy and Crystal Healing and the Evils of the Man?!? Where are you?!? Do you exist? Do you exist without drum circles and dancing around like you think you are a fairy or wood nymph or garden gnome or whatever?!? Are there people who believe in permaculture who also like to swill bourbon and cuss and be inappropriate at times?
Where are you people who raise chickens simply because chickens are friggin' hilarious and as a bonus--they give you eggs? Sure, you know exactly how they were raised and you want them to have a nice chicken life and they can eat bugs you don't want and fertilize the bajeesus outta yer yard. YES! that IS important--but damn, chickens sure are funny and dumb and it's delightful to watch them and you can't stop laughing when you see them? Are you there?
Where are you people who want to be living a simple life and yet not be so"terminally deep"? Do you exist? Is there any of you who can do it because it just makes sense and you are willing to share without being preachy and annoying about it? Do you gotta preach to the choir? Can't we just encourage each other without one-upsman ship?
I just can't stand it. There has to be people like me and I can never find them--except for the dude who is selling me my Thanksgiving Turkey THAT I AM KILLING AND DRESSING MYSELF** But there has to be more than that dude. I just have to deal with so many bullshit people to find that diamond in the rough.
I think AwesomeHusband is just bidding his time until I do my usual birdie, "hey lookie! A shiny thing!" self and go on to other things. He, unfortunately, doesn't know that this is all a part of the Big Game Plan. Sure, it morphs and changes...but if you've ever looked back into everything I've dabbled in...it isn't a surprise at all.
(photo credit: Each photo you see here was taken by Girl Friday of her baby garden.)
No comments:
Post a Comment