As souls cradled in complex bodies that arc through life in various levels of health to one day return to obliterated nothingness, we all too often find ourselves torn emotionally asunder in battles of conscience, will, desire, need, and rationale. While our natures may be sinful and our hearts pure, temptations occasionally best us and sometimes... sometimes we realize we don't feel so bad after all, and for good reason: Our needs are that which are fundamental and necessary for survival, and must be differentiated from mere want.
That said, I have been seduced successfully and sharply against my own will... and it actually feels pretty damned good.
I have just embarked upon my own secret affair; un pas d'une of sorts. It may be my own physical undoing, yet with some careful temporal mapping and mindful discipline, all might not end so direly, my all-encompassing love and wandering spirit temporarily satiated. And yes, I am trying to keep my engagements exclusive ~ at least at that very moment, and as artfully as I possibly can without risking life and limb.
My recent rendezvous' are almost invariably conducted in the discretion of shadowed places, fragrant spaces, and in the care of a mysterious yet open face. Elements of familiarity are couched subtly in the tremulously foreign and heart-explodingly wonderful. Unlike its French homonym, my trysts are hardly triste, but intriguing, inspiring, and absolutely illicit; no one save I ever knows where I am during my sweet little liaisons.
Even now, my hair is a tangled mass down my back, strands clinging to my damp temples and back; my pulse is racing; my throat is purring of its own volition; and somewhere in the nether regions of my mind, I know I shall have to pay accordingly for this pleasure. Without a doubt, I shall also have to confess my transgressions to Him before the night is out. With a slight tremour of trepidation, I realize He may be none too pleased, yet I feel not guilty in the slightest. Not for anything.
And yes, I swallow. With rapture.
Ultimately, in my defence, it's cheaper than an airplane ticket to one of the countless destinations I am aching to visit and revisit, and there are no sweaty sheets to wash... that is, until I one day take my action home with me. This possibility is not one I can rule out, come to think of it. Any chance of communicating any disease is minimal as I am a painstakingly selective creature by nature, and whatever enters my body for pleasure is carefully screened. This may change, however, as I might become more wanton and begin to accept offers on the street in more shifty neighbourhoods. And unless I become too blatant with my amourous adventurings, we should all be just fine. I am careful.
My most recent conquest was gentle, diffident, dignified, and his name was Kashi. I may return to visit him and his quiet ways before long.
After all, no one's actually getting hurt with my stolen solo culinary expeditions to neighbourhood establishments while the kids are in ninja class. Finding the voice of my heart in the quietness of an alien and cached space is sometimes exactly what I need for my internal survival, and this I shall embrace without remorse or guilt, but instead with deep bliss and gratitude.
You nailed this. Absolutely and totally nailed it. It's one of your best pieces of work and was pure, shivery pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDelete